Why is it so difficult to get hubby to get a check up, treat a medical issue, seek treatment for stress or mental health? What is it about men that cause them to blatantly ignore dire health warning like hypertension, and keep on keeping on? Why would any sane human insist on laying down some hardwood flooring in the middle of a major sciatica crisis where they can barely walk? Welcome to the world of the warrior.
I raise my hand. I’m guilty. If you’re the women of your household, by now you have probably realized that it is up to you to nudge your family to take care of themselves. Hubby would be happy to never see another doctor ever again. The kids of course do not know better, but we men do.
Long before I studied acupuncture in San Diego I was a student of Anthropology. The other night I was watching great film called “Warriors’ of the Rainbow,” about the Native Taiwanese aborigines’. It got me thinking that the role men played way back when we were subsistence hunters is still genetically hard wired into us. It obviously kept us around for so long because it worked. But does it work well for us now, in a world where we don’t need to constantly put ourselves at great risk, and hope to be around to see our grandchildren?
To some degree it still exists because it because of society in some core ways hasn’t changed much. Engaging in high risk, or dangerous activities can confer a level of status. In other words, it can really pay off in gaining prestige, mates and wealth.
Most men have an “ I can handle this” mentality about their health. If it’s not killing them, they can deal with it. This make perfect sense because for thousands of years men have had to slug it out with nature, predators and worse of all aggressive males of their own species. Showing weakness, or inability to protect the tribe/family was not an option.
The hunter/warrior mentality is still well and strong under a veneer of civilization. At least in this country, we are satisfied to see it play out between rival sports teams, in the ring, or the corporate board rooms. But on an individual level it plays out in daily life.
Men statistically are more likely to turn to alcohol and drugs to suppress stress or pain, then to admit to it and seek treatment. Perhaps the reason for this is that admitting weakness is inviting a rival to exploit it. We surely see this play out in our political system, where any little weakness or error is pounced on by the rival party. I would venture to say that politics have been with us since the beginning.
What this whole discussion means for us providers is that men often don’t seek the care they need, and even when a problem is identified, they will often not make the time to treat it. For family members, it means that “dropping hints” may not be enough to get a guy in to see the doctor. In my fertility practice, it is very common to be treating women, whose partners are the main cause of the infertile. It is very difficult pill to swallow for a man to admit he is the cause. And even though a semen analysis is a very simple test, it often takes a lot of arm twisting to get a guy to take even that step.
I hope this article helps shed some light upon why it it can be so difficult to get men in the door, and why women can have such a hard time getting their men to take steps to treat health issues. But, hopefully all that well meaning “pushing and nudging” will help keep us around a lot longer.
Eric Hollander, L.Ac. is a licensed acupuncturist practicing in San Diego California. He can be reached at 619-817-6447 www.acupuncturesandiego.org.